So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
