I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize