My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
