so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
