now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize