First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
