I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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