was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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