Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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