So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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