took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
True strength comes from lack of pants
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
