My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize