we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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