I am puke
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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