Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
