True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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