every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
