and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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