Apparently you make a good broom.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
