There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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