Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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