Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
