Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
