No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
