Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
