i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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