Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize