My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
