i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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