woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize