I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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