I wish you could order shots online.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
