I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
