she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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