My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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