take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
