I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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