sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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