He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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