That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
