somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
