@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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