Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
