i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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