When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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