Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
