haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
