I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize