Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
