12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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