Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
