Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
