if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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