..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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