take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
