She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
