I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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