The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
