she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
