Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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