Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize