Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Randomize
