think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just high enough for therapy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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