Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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