Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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