we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
