nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
