He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
