my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
