She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
