i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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