I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's rum buckets o'clock
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize