i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
