so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
