she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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