I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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