She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
