My underwear smells like fireworks.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
