I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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