tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
