so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
