i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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