I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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