We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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