Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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