Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Still dying that you shit outside
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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