He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
