I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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