He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My vagina is officially offended.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
