Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
